Wednesday, June 11, 2008

the count down has begun

running of the bulls in spain / munich / paris ? ? ? ? 21 years of age? / my best best friend forever ever ?!? / are you kidding meeeeeee....??

i leave on july 4th and return on the 12th. mom and dad will be in hawaii and i'll be leaving on a jet plane on my 21st birthday. [ maybe i can see the fireworks from the air? ] i got my passport in 2 weeks. and as soon as i booked my ticket i started crying like a baby. ? i dunno.

thinking back and analyzing my 20th year of life..this has just been a really hard year. i feel like i say that every year. although, i must say that this hasn't been THE toughest...this past year of my life has really taught me a lot about what the difference between needs and wants are. financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. i think the tears i cried when i booked this flight was kind of me realizing that i'm getting older and that you can be happy after love is lost. you can be happy and do amazing things on your own, even when your hearts been trampled on. you can still accomplish things you never even dreamed of doing. i've come to realize that it wasn't about thomas and i. it wasn't about how much he stopped me from or how much i needed him to survive...all along, it was all about being relentless, about making ME happen before i could even think about making US happen. There is so much to draw from desparation, from loneliness, from not always being the bell of the ball, from situations that bring you to your knees...

there is clarity in all of that. There is clarity in that, You realize who you are when you discover how you allow yourself to handle things even in your darkest hour. I'm not saying that i have made the best decision in everything i've done - but i'm thankful that i've done well enough to have peace about the things i have peace about in my life right now.

So Spain. Spain & a new year of life. Without him. With success in my business ventures. With new love. With more family. This is a new year. THIS is a new year. I know a lot of people experience europe on a regular basis. But in my life - with my friends - with the art - and faces - and smells - and tastes - and textures I've been yearning to discover...this trip couldn't have come at a better time. and so i guess...that is why i cried. because this trip is a catalyst to so many amazing things to come. and that makes my finger tips tingle..


no i won't run - yes i will wear a red scarf.

Come with me! Come With me!

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