Saturday, August 16, 2008

you're gonna need your heart one day and you just don't have it


[ august 14 . 2008 : 10:22 pm ]

me: i thought you were dead
him: you might as well believe that i am
me: you have no heart.
him: you have no brain.
me: i'd rather have a heart than a brain


i recorded this video 8 months ago on my way home from thomas' house. i wanted to remember what it looked like whenever i drove that beautiful drive home. it was the same sunset i saw, every time i came home. when i knew the 4 hours away from each other meant skin and bones, and fighting, and not hearing from him. this video is incredibly personal to me, and for a while, when i missed him or when i thought things were really over, i would hold on to hope with this video and watch it just to remember every thing i felt going home, hoping and praying that i'd see the same sunset soon, as painful as my thoughts were during the drive, because it meant i was atleast coming home from being with him. ** i spent a majority of today cleaning things out and hitting the big re-set button on things. i don't need to be reminded of those feelings anymore, and i won't. i'm cleaning house and this video was one of the last things i found. it brought up a lot of mixed emotions, but it was more of a realization that i've moved on. i'm giving it to you to make something better out of it than what it now means to me. which is why this is the first and last time i'll ever talk about it. but how incredibly beautiful can a sky get for a girl that was so heartbroken? :)

ryan told me tonight that he was so proud of how much i've grown as a person since things have ended. and i agree. and i think its beautiful.

thank you, Lord, for knowing exactly when and how.


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