Sunday, November 2, 2008

oh me. oh my.

today was tough.
i really didn't want to get up this morning. the air was kind of stale and there were dreams about glory and embarrasment (a word which, for some reason, is being underlined in red by my mac's spell check?)that i just didn't want to let go of. one was of a boy hitting me in the face and then apologizing with tears in his eyes about it. no joke. either way, i got up, washed my face and went to church. it was a sermon about the second coming of christ and what i meant and had questions about whether or not i was prepared for it. his challenge for this week was to change something in our lives, even just a little thing, that would bring us one step closer to living a better life. less for ourselves and more for Him. this week my goal is, N.M.C...something i wrote on my wrist to remind me of what i decided i would do. figure it out.

after we had lunch at z pizza in the new shopping center around the corner. delicious. kimmy would be proud because i've hardly eaten meat in the past few days. not because i don't like it...just because i haven't had a desire to. it had tomatoes, basil, mozzarella, artichoke hearts, and capers. . . i meeeannnn....?

kell's mom's memorial service was today. it was so amazing to see how many people loved minnie and were there to celebrate her life. i didn't know her well, but raising 7 girls can't be for wimps, there sure were a lot of tears in that room. my friends and i sat in that pew, and for the first time ever, we were sitting in a church together. it was an emotional memorial, but by the end it was difficult to be sad. you have got to be an amazing woman to have had the biblical message of salvation the center point of your memorial...and it seemed to be what her wish was. and through all of this, three things were apparent: she is now home - with no pain, and in a better place, two, she really did have such a heart for people, and three, the meaning of living with a message. hopefully i become a woman that special...

my night ended after sushi with kevin. one of my best buds from years and years ago. he's been through so tough stuff the past few months, but as kevin has always been able to do, even through all of the things we talked about, keeps optimistic and hopeful. i admire that in people and i am jealous of it. we talked a lot about how much things have changed the past 4 years. how our group of friends used to be so close and about how all of us, some how, just kinda...fell apart. we wondered how, and why, but thinking about it, doesn't that happen all the time? sobering. and sad.

i've gotten 3 "are you ok?"s today (and counting). to answer your questions...yes. i'm ok. and in comparison i have nothing to complain about, but i still do. so instead i'm choosing to keep it quiet. as chuck said yesterday..."it'll get better". and thats reassuring. and it always does.

sarahmarie's home tomorrow. casey's here. thank God for good friends.

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