Saturday, June 27, 2009

you and i, me and you

i can die happy. mom & dad bought me front orchestra seats for their vienna show...i wonder if she'll be there?!?




i want this for my life.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009




there are pieces of myself that are disappearing
maybe its just a shift of focus
maybe its dealing with every part of reality
maybe its because of the new moon

who knows?

in a lot of ways i like it
its kind of like, i freak out at first, but then i realize...
things are just falling off of the sides of that narrowing end of the arrow - - - >
i'm thankful that i've started freaking out because i've come to realize that it means i'm being focused on what i need for myself rather than what the usual has always seemed to be. i need to start taking my own advice. God first, Me second, everything else can fall behind...

Monday, June 22, 2009

got offered a job a few weeks ago and was really excited only to be let down. they wanted to hire me, but are being pushed by corporate to hire employees with degrees. are we serious? so you're telling me, you'd rather trust someone that has a degree in something COMPLETELY unrelated to your multi-million dollar corporation than someone that has worked for the company and moved up in the company over the last 4 years? that, my friends is what i call bull shit. bull shit. i'm sorry i'm cursing but it is very disappointing to me. that i can't be supported by a company i have worked hard for for the past 4 years...

so, it must be said, that i am re-thinking quite a few things.
please forgive me for being frustrated this week but i feel like a lot of my hard work is being flushed and unnoticed because a piece of paper that i don't have.

kimmy was a great encouragement today and said that everything would be ok because she knows that verizon wasn't my "final destination". i'm praying for direction and i'm still holding on to my dreams for this boutique. i mean, if you own your own business, you don't need a degree...juuust saying..


my birthday is in 12 days. what . to . even. dooo.

Saturday, June 20, 2009


there is power in:

honesty
kindness
patience
self control
bighting your tongue
selflessness


i've been trying to do these things and no matter how bad things get i'm determined to keep on. stooping to immature levels was never an option and will never be an option for me. i've never had so much peace in my life before and i'm thankful because not many people can say that. i sincerely and truly believe that you cannot have true peace in your life if you are constantly choosing to hurt & take reign of things out of your control. also including, the need to debilitate others just to make yourself feel better. i must admit that in the past i've chosen that route and yes, it felt good, but at the end of the day, what kind of woman does that make me?



"A political victory, a rise in rents, the recovery of your sick, or return of your absent friend, or some other quite external event, raises your spirits, and you think good days are preparing for you. Do not believe it. Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles."


- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday, June 13, 2009

no. i am PERSONALLY not pregnant. but thanks for asking.
congrats to kelly/jesse & others. love you. your kidz bets be ready for crazy asian auntie julezzzz

Friday, June 12, 2009

WTFHYD?



how weird is it that there are so many different temperments & outlooks & beliefs out there? theres a different measure of self control in everyone of us. a different level of maturity. of character. of grace. this week, i discovered it first hand. i'm disappointed in certain people and it's really sad to see what selfishness can do. how "fame" and the pursuit of "happiness" can affect you. i've realized that it takes a person with a sound mind, grounded in reality to really achieve their goals in a healthy way. if you aren't in that state, its easy to hurt yourself and hurt a lot of people that love you along the way.


and i've heard a lot of people say that its just the affects of youth, but no matter how young you are, you know the difference between right and wrong and hurting someone else is always up to you.


as i've said before, selfishness is the poison of my generation.
it is disgusting & sad.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Monday, June 8, 2009

tagged

BEAUTY

Lip Gloss: Dior
Mascara: YSL
Shampoo: Dove. loove dove.
Moisturizer: neutrogena healthy skin w/ spf 15
Perfume: dolce & gabbana light blue
Nail Polish Color: anything closest to buff
Who Cuts Your Hair?: Bill at Angelo's Salon in downtown
Must Have Beauty Product?: Moroccan Oil

CLOTHES:

Jeans: bcbg or tsubi (when i can afford it. hah!)
Sneakers: adidas sambas for walking / Nike air prestos in XS for working out
Heels: nine west. all day all night
T-Shirt: kain
Day Dress: kimchi blue
Day Bag: anything leather
Evening Bag: clutches?
Favorite Accessory: my silver wrap around ring
Favorite Designer: labels: see by chloe, preen, stella mccartney
Current Obsession: sheer tops

HOME

Where do you live?: VBBB
Favorite Art: klimt, basquait, eduardo recife
Sheets: Bamboo!! so so comfortable
Stationary: crane & co.
Favorite Flowers: peonies
Favorite Gadget: macbook
Favorite Neighborhood Restaurant: bardo
Pajamas: shorts & a tee
Cocktail: disorono & ginger, a glass of wine, or aventinus




lamme.
i feel like a drop of water in the bottom of a glass.

think about it . . .


and soon, i know i'm just going to evaporate.
i don't care about a n y of them.
i just don't like facing certain truths.


but as sarah said, "the sooner you do, the sooner it's over"
someone teach me how to do that.
none of them even matter to me. its me having to face truth that i hate.
and awkward situations. and people that don't deal with things the way i do.

even in his silence. still. i feel all of it...


oh, and i absolutely hate the whole, peripheral vision thing. dumbest.
i just don't want to be that last drop anymore.
i don't like feeling like i have to entertain certain thoughts. my own, even.
i don't like having to prove myself.



this is all truth. and i'm sorry if you think its ridiculous but, hi, welcome to my blog.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Saturday, June 6, 2009

wake up now to what you are and what you're not


i really miss going out of town with a love and staying and discovering new diners and taking pictures and being happy. that is what i miss. i don't miss anyone in particular. i just miss being in love.

the other day kim and i went to the beach and i asked her if i she remembered me texting her, "i have a boyfriend." and her saying back, "i'm so so happy to hear you say that julia" and i asked her why she said it, and she explained it as simply being happy that i was able to feel love like she felt.


*puff. (that's my defeated noise in text form)

we had a girls night at bardo yesterday, which in the end, turned into unisex night. anyway, while at dinner, the girls and i discussed love and things like it and mid conversation i realized that a lot of what i feel is lacking stems from me not allowing myself to settle. which in many ways is better for my soul than anything else. for the first time in my life, i've found a group of girlfriends where each and every one of us is single and ok with it. maybe not completely ok with it, but, alright in that we aren't allowing ourselves to settle. and its not a superiority thing or something snobby. it's simply not allowing myself to be a floor mat, or a wallet in some dude's back pocket. thank you to nicole, michelle, amy, and ange for reassuring me that i wasn't alone and for showing me that it is ok to feel the way that i have been feeling because after all, it is what it is, and that settling is the worst thing you can do to yourself. and in talking with them, i've realized that in the past 3 months i've done a lot of weeding out and walking away from. in that i am proud of myself and can be satisfied. i'm allowed to miss those things, but how much more rewarding is love when there's reciprocity?

i just realized that i'm having a girl moment.
awkward.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

i only have one pair of jeans that fit me.
howwhatwherewhenwhyyyyyyy.....

Monday, June 1, 2009

everything in moderation


Oh dear.
This month is looking pretty busy. I'm going to be traveling through different stores for work this month and then the last weekend of june i'll be in LA! I sincerely cannot believe my 22nd is only about a month away! Sometimes i think i forget how young i really am and worry too much about why and when and how when in reality i have plenty of time. i'm gonna keep pushing, but i'm going to try not to worry too much about things this year. i've worked really hard to make age 21 what it has been and maybe 22 can be a little more relaxin'! dave currie will be here in 2 weeks for the champagne only pool party. pretty excited about that.

i've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. i hate when you have a great dream but only remember snipets of them...
in one dream, i was at an event with mk and i asked her where she got her belt and she responded "H&M - ever heard of it?" uh...yeah?
in another dream i was at the doctor and she said that i was on the verge of being morbidly obese?
in another dream i was on a raft floating down the james holding a summer ale and smoking a blunt. i don't smoke weed in real life?
in another dream i was laying on a bed with my significant other, playing with our child and laughing.

i haven't even bothered reading up on what all these mean because whenever i do i end up very disappointed.



i hope i have a good summer. besides euro trip 08, the past two have been disastrous..........