i'm tired. physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.
i need help. i need to find clarity. i need to readjust and find balance. i can honestly say that i have never felt so drained in my life. i really really hate this feeling. i find my self needing to stop and breathe deeply a lot more lately, almost as a way to release the stress from my body.
i dont even know. i'm l o s i n g it.
for example. this past weekend.
work was / has been stressful
got lost while trying to find places several different times this weekend . . . one of the times, turning what should have been a 20 minute drive into a two hour drive. i forgot about a very important meeting with some very important people on friday and had to shamefully reschedule it. saturday, i completely blanked out and forgot what i was doing mid client meeting. broke down on the phone with kal within minutes of answering the phone. i mean, without getting into it, there's a list for this past weekend. so much proof that i am losing my mind. it had seriously been one of the most trying and tests of patience in a very long time. Saturday night was a little better. went to a pool party at mary's then headed to fantastic planet with kal, andy, and michelle. met up with a few old faces and had a decent time. i was pretty determined to make sunday a better day because it honestly couldn't have gotten any worse.
and, i must say, today was better. today's huffs and puffs were only from working hard and mostly sighs of relief because things were actually moving smoothly. had a shoot with Christian Agha which was a lot of fun. it was a very exciting shoot for me because i really didn't have to do that much work and was given a lot of room to be creative. the crew was so professional & talented. haven't done a shoot with that many people behind the camera lense but for a 5 hour shoot, it went by very quickly and easily and especially fun. they let me style the shoot so i decided to wear a few of the dresses momma gave me from when she was my age - a thai silk floral print dress & an all white floor length open back halter dress. both so beautiful & meaningful. can't wait for you all to see the shots
also went to church today for the first time in a while because of work. brother in law gave a good word. he touched a lot on the condition of the heart and how without Christ we would be without hope. he talked about broken hearts not being able to love. not being able to trust. not being able to commit. but again, without Christ, the heart would stay broken. . . talk about God telling you exactly what you need to hear exactly when you need to hear it.
i'm praying that this week will be better and that i will be able to keep a cool head.
wish me luck.
P.S. someone please call me tomorrow and remind me that i'm working in suffolk and not portsmouth because i can already tell you that i'm going to forget.