Wednesday, October 14, 2009

home is wherever i'm with you

i've neglected you, blog. i'm so so sorry.
i tried taking the tumblr turn and although i'll still be posting beautiful things on there, my mind has been too crowded, and i feel that reverie has always been a safe place for my mind to put its feet up...

i honestly have no idea where to start in describing the past few months of my life. so many things have changed. so many faces have faded. so may faces have become so familiar and comforting.

for starters - i've moved into a teeny little 2 bedroom apartment in the heart of ghent. it's been a dream of mine for a while now to be able to live exactly where i want, in an apartment that i really love, with someone that i trust and have a good relationship with. all of those things have turned into reality and to top it all off - i can walk to my favorite restaurants and i live within blocks of some of my favorite people. things have been coming together slowly but i can finally say that i feel at home somewhere. work has been a contradiction of feelings. some days i feel proud of what i've been able to accomplish professionally at my age, but most days, i find myself dissatisfied. dissatisfied that i have to fill in spots for people that don't work as hard as i do and dissatisfied that i haven't been able to travel as much as i used to. my office, (aka my portsmouth store) is a huge red jail cell. it's funny how sometimes in life, you'll feel completely satisfied and fulfilled in every area but one. in my life at least. i wonder a lot of times why i can't bring myself to demanding for more as far as work goes - and i find myself going home & cleaning or organizing or planning to fill the lack of challenge at work. ultimately...when i wake up most mornings, the only thing i like about going to work is the money and the drive there - there is no substance in what i do and it makes me sick to my stomach. there have been meetings and discussions about more business ventures and people wanting to use my "brilliant mind" to put more money in their pockets. i've come to the realization that professionally - i have no idea what i want to do and if anything, i'd like to take a break from working to pursue the things i really love. oh man. i am r a m b l i n g g g g . . .

...besides work...there are many things i've been so very grateful for. i have established great weekly traditions with some great women aka ladies nights - which i have been missing so much. i've got a great roommate who has been spoiling me with cool things to make my house a home. my family is healthy and happy. and of course! i have a boyfriend who has been THE most amazing friend and the most nurturing and has taken care of me and helped out so much and relieved a lot of the stress i've had from moving and work and etc. speaking of dreams - at times, with him, i feel like i'm living one. because its everything i've ever wanted and more. and then, i realize that it isn't a dream and his hand is really holding mine and that reality can sometimes be so sweet.

coming up:

- oct 16 - house warming party 9pm
- oct 17 - DC/Ikea to buy some last min things
- oct 31 - halloween! justin & i are dressing up as Archie & Veronica. tell me that isn't the best?
- first 2 weeks of Nov - Mom & Dad are in Italy =(
- Nov 16 - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros in DC
- Nov 26 - thanksgiving!
- Nov 27 - Indy's 1st Birthday!!

thanks for letting me ramble.