Thursday, September 9, 2010

say goodbye and say hello

i'm getting married in 16 days.

in the rush of everything i haven't had the chance to sit down and really think about how much life is about to change. from the day that justin proposed to me it's literally been non-stop. primarily because of work and, well, planning a wedding in 6 months. but now, those months are gone and 16 days from now i'll have a new last name and i will be a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and, a wife.

i don't really know how to describe it. so many of my friends who aren't married yet have picked my brain about how i've handled everything and have asked if it's as fun as you imagine it to be as a young girl and the truth is... No. I can't say that the way I feel about being 16 days away from proclaiming the ultimate love and commitment to someone is anything that I ever thought it would be. It is not rainbows and butterflies 24/7. In fact it is absolutely, the most trying time you'll ever have in your relationship...ever. you are legally giving yourself to another human being. you are taking your space and sharing it with someone else. you're giving up your rituals for something that works for the both of you. you are no longer you. you are no longer a 1. you are now a .5

the good news is, ultimately, that is as bad as it gets. working out all of the crazy details and through the legal stages and the closing of this account and opening of this and deciding who keeps what and who's thing of who's do we use and meeting new family and all of that is extremely stressful and can really put a lot of strain on the relationship. it makes you want to question whether or not any of it is worth it. And the good once again outweighs (your selfishness). Because you really realize you'd go through it all again and again if you had to. You find yourself doing mandatory self inventory. you step outside of your comfort zone and you learn so much. you are stretched and your patience and grace grows and your spirit feels good about it all.

not to mention the fact that you are spending the rest of your life with your best friend. marriage allows you to come to a realization that there is actually someone in the world that absolutely cannot live a day without you. there is reciprocity. it's a man on his knee telling you that his life would not be complete without you. it's a man giving up his own agenda and giving you the ultimate promise of loyalty, friendship, and provision. that he is no longer a 1 but a .5. All of the searching and lonely nights and insecurity and heartache is over. here He is. "the one".

tonight, just like every night, i will ask God again to make me a good wife. i want to be a good wife.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel like you are so stressed and worried about all this stuff that "the world" thinks marriage should be. I just wanted to give you this refreshing truth that has been really helpful to me :) I'm sure you know this already, but it's always good to be reminded. It is so easy to make our fiance, our marriage, or planning this wedding an idol. Not that we are necessarily getting on our knees and worshipping it, but we are giving it more time than we are giving Jesus. Marriage is such an amazing gift the He has given us. We need to remember what marriage really is a picture of: Christ loving the Church. Thats all marriage has to be. Others should see a picture of the gospel just by looking at our marriages. Pretty amazing right? So enjoy this time with your fiance and thank the Lord over and over again for this awesome gift that He has given to you guys :) Really excited for you both!

julia r said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
julia r said...

I agree but I think you missed the point of this blog. What you call the "worldly" view on marriage is still a truth? This blog isn't at all about idolizing anything...it's about the experience I've been in planning a wedding and getting engaged and all of the stress that goes into the details. I understand what you're saying but my reality has been working full time, a 40+ hour work week, not seeing my fiance most of the week, paying bills, and also planning a wedding...which is stressful and can put a strain on a relationship. I'm not married yet. and the reality is that planning a wedding and getting married is hard work! It's not about idols! it's about organization. Learning how to work together as a team! And as I said, it's not all rainbows & butterflies! Christians still fight. Christians still have hard times.

thanks for reading my blog, anonymous.